LA is a city filled with actors and actresses and wannabe actors and actresses. 
The thing is, when you’re single in the city, we're all a little like actors and actresses.

Isn’t dating really just like one big audition after another?  Aren't dates like auditioning for the role of "girlfriend 1" or "boyfriend 1"?  At the very least, they're auditions for the role of "person that gets hot sex at the end of the night". 



At the end of said date, one party or the other may hold "call backs" or give a short and sweetened version of  "You're just too short/old/inexperienced for this role, honey".

When you aren’t single in the city, there are times in a relationship when you still feel as if you are playing a role.
Like it or not, there are always things that even the most honest of person hides from the other in an effort to keep the peace or save the person we care about embarrassment or from being upset.

It can be anything from acting like your dates breath doesn’t smell like onions to acting like the occasional “Boys Weekend in Vegas” doesn’t bother you. 

As Shakespeare once said “The World is a stage and we are all it’s actors”.

Years ago, I had a boyfriend who got drunk at a Thanksgiving dinner party.  I drove him home and put him to bed. Being the smarty I was, I decided that because he was so drunk and things had not been so great between the two of us recently, that I would take this opportunity to pop the Big Question.

"So," I said slowly as I started to slip his shoes off. "Has something been bothering you?"

“Truthlessly?” he asked.

”Truthfully.” I corrected him.

He brought his head up from the pillow and slurred without hesitation, "I think that when I met you, you tricked me into thinking you were so ambitious and had all these things you wanted to do with your life but it was all a lie.  You haven't accomplished anything over the past year and probably never will."

I was stunned. “Why didn’t you say something about this before if it bothered you?”

“I don’t know. I thought if I pretended like it didn’t bother me then maybe it really wouldn’t.”

That night I let him sleep with one shoe on and one shoe off.

He had let me have it. 
It= The cold, hard, un-sugar coated truth.
 
The next day we both pretended like he had never said anything at all.  We broke up weeks after that.



Like a lot of LAer's that claim to be health conscious but secretly revel in the masses of cupcakeries that line our fair streets, I found my good friend Alex dropping a confession on me while we braved a 20 minute cupcake line.

“I went on a date last weekend with new-hot-office-guy and I didn’t tell you.” She said quickly and then looked around quickly to see if anyone else heard/cared.

I laughed. "Okayyy. Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

"Because I'm sort of ashamed."

"Let me guess-you're ashamed of having hot and dirty shame sex?"

"Not quite." she said sheepishly and then spilled the story.  "We went to Lola's for drinks and everything was really good. Then there was this girl there that came up to our table and he introduced her as a friend.  They kind of flirted in front of me for a good ten minutes before she left.  Then after she was gone the rest of the date was fine.”

“Didn’t that bother you?” I asked.

She shrugged. “It did. It was frigging rude but I acted like I didn’t care. I didn’t want him to think I’m jealous.”

I was in awe of her powers of non-freaking out. “But it did bother you. You were on a date with him and he flirted with another girl in front of you! Or was he just being friendly?"

“No, there was a lot of arm touching for just "bring friendly"...And he got her new number before we left.” She shrugged and repeated. “It bothered me but I didn't want him to think I'm jealous.”



I always wondered if it was easy or hard for an actor or actress to know when the acting stopped and their real lives began.  How can you go from a scene where you are an angry person and go out into the real world and not still feel angry? The same thing applies to  dating and relationships.  How can you go from knowing or feeling something that is one way and then act another without things coming back to bite you in the ass?

In the end, whether you are Single in the City or in a relationship, I guess the best thing to do is to try and be open about your feelings without being accusatory or hurtful.

So was Alex's "new-hot-office-guy" a quality man with some good female friends...or just a player?
If my ex had told me that my not attaining goals made him resent me in an inspirational or calm way, would he have slept with both shoes off that night? Or even better, would he have slept with me for longer then another week?

If you feel the need to act that too many things don't bother you, then maybe the part of "girlfriend 1" or "boyfriend 1" just isn't worth auditioning for in the first place.