We don't want what is necessarily good for us.

It's normal.

I mean, most of us have to actually train ourselves to choose the healthy options over the junk.

Choosing the carrot sticks over the fluffy, buttery popcorn.
Opting for the sensible salad instead of the gooey pizza slice.

It's the same with relationships: No matter how bad someone is for us, we go back for more. We indulge in these junk-food relationships even though we know they're bad for us.

Nothing worth having comes easily, but what happens when the only obstacle we have to overcome is ourself?

This reminds me of a conversation I had with Heather, who used to be a good friend of mine.
 Her and her new boyfriend had recently split up.
And then she decided to make out with a mutual acquaintance in front of him at a friend's wedding.
And then they fought and got back together.
And then they split again...
Only to get back together.

We were walking around the abandoned zoo at Griffith Park gripping Starbucks and and cell phones like any other ordinary LA'er.
It was October, but it was warm outside and there for a friends birthday picnic.

At that time, I felt very strongly that there was only so much you could say to a friend who kept claiming to be in pain but then went back for more.  I felt like I was talking to a wall and had stopped feeling bad for her.

Back then, I truly thought that if a friend aired their issues to you, it was because they wanted solutions.

Since dating the new guy, it was like all logic was lost on her.  I'd given up pacifying the situation and affirming her crazy choices with sympathetic head nods.

Maybe all she needed was for someone to be honest with her.
Maybe that honest person was ME.
Maybe that would snap some sense into her!

"It's exhausting," she's claimed.  "He tells me that I'm the love of his life and then he flirts with all these other girls in front of me."she sighed.

We paused to check our text messages, sip our lattes and then continued on the path.

"It's exhausting just to hear about it," I confirmed carefully, "I can't even imagine what it's like to go through."

And then came the sense-snapping honesty!

We approached the picnic area where our friends are gathered around smoky BBQ grills and under a Happy Birthday banner.

I had meant to casually toss it out, but eager to give her the honest, life altering answer I wanted, the words poured out.  "Is it really worth it? I mean, is it really a healthy situation? He always hurts you and then you spend all your time getting back at him.  Then you guys just get back together and it happens again."

She raised an eyebrow and opened her mouth, only to be interrupted by our friend who whisked her away.

A few minutes later I was pouring orange soda at a picnic table.  I looked up and caught the tail-end of Heather's icy glare, which plainly said, "It's not like you've never made bad choices."

Of course I'm not perfect.

I've certainly made many non-healthy decisions-Wearing teetering heels that made my toes go numb by the end of the night instead of the lower heels...
Dating a man who was an obvious piece of shit only to cry about it to my friends but repeatedly continue to see him...
Opting to sit on the couch with Chinese food and the Daily Show instead of hitting the gym after work*.

Why is it that no matter how bad someone is for us, we still go back for more?
We indulge in these junk-food relationships even though we know they're bad for us.

My friend Eric met a wonderful girl.
She's smart and witty and for the past few months he is constantly bringing her to parties and other social functions.

Despite the fact that he always introduces her as a friend, when she talks to other men, he looks the other way and noticeably tries to look busy.

"Why aren't you two dating?" I ask one night.

We're downtown at Elevate, looking out over the glimmering lights of downtown and gulping down $15 cocktails like they're...well, $5 cocktails.

He puckers his lips into a thoughtful expression and turns to face me.  "She's not the one."

I try not to laugh.
It isn't usually men who throw out that term in general conversation.

"Really? Because from where I'm standing," I say and gesture towards the twirling pixie on the dance floor, "She's the only ONE you really spend time with anymore."

He shrugs and looks down. "Yeah, she's great. She's everything I would want if she was the one, but she's not."

"You're not attracted to her?" I suggest.

"No, she's cute." he admits.

Vodka and nonsense are an exasperating combination.  "That makes no sense. How exactly do you KNOW she's not this elusive..the one?"

"You know." he says and finishes his martini. "I just know."

I make a terrible face that shames him back out to the dance floor where he grabs his "friend" around the waste and maneuvers her away from the random guy she was dancing with.

He knows she isn't the one because...he just knows.
(Even though he spends most of his time with her and talks insistently about the time they spend together when she's not around.)

This is fine.

We all have our "types" and preferences, but Eric is also the guy that spent a year in a live-in relationship with a shady girl who may or may not have repeatedly cheated on him, "mistakenly borrowed" several hundred dollars off of his credit card and cost him
his job due to the number of sick days he took to stay home with her and "work out their issues".

This was a year ago, but that's right-you guessed it: He still goes back for more!

I stand there, a bit chilly in my sleeveless frock, resenting the fading warm weather and watch Eric with his friend, laughing and dancing.

I know that when the song is over, he will lead her off the dance floor into the arms of their mutual friends and grab another cocktail.

He will leave her there-the apple, and end up drunk texting the crazy ex-the bag of cookies.

Why do we do it to ourselves?
Why is it we look and see what is good for us and what is bad for us and knowingly choose the less healthy of the options?

Is it because we secretly don't want what's good for us?
We don't feel we really deserve it?

Or is it because we're so used to the junk food relationships we get into, that we're afraid to break that mold and opt for the healthier option?

It's like the boy who refused to eat his spinach.
"I don't like it." he says stubbornly.
His mother sighs, "How do you know you don't like it if you've never had it?"
He pouts.
He wants potato chips.
And a lifetime of potato chips will lead to high cholesterol, obesity and heart disease.

Maybe it's time to get on a relationship diet.
The junk is only fun for so long before it takes its toll and the long term side effects become apparent.

We have to recognize what's good for us, or who's good for us, and make these changes consciously.

Funny-Sometimes you have to force yourself to get to the gym or choose the salad over the fries, but after a while, making those healthy choices comes more and more naturally until you don't even realize that you're doing it anymore...you just know you feel better.

*I reason that even though it's fake news, it's fake REAL news and that exercising my mind is just as important as toning my stomach. HA!)