Pack It Up and Back It Up.
You know how rare it is to meet someone that you have a connection with?
Some one who you can have good conversations with and who makes you want to rip off their clothes when they walk into the room?
It's the kind of spark that turns into a flame and then that flame turns into a full blown fire.
It burns bright and lights you up from the inside.
It's the kind of connection that makes you glow.
It's also the kind of connection that apparently has the ability to make me feel guarded and vulnerable for no apparent reason.
I had a conversation with Sylvia about this.
It was Saturday afternoon and we were walking past the third street promenade towards Pacific. It was close to sunset and a crisp and sunny 70 degrees, but because we live in LA we were freezing and warming our hands with hot cups of Starbucks.
I had just confided to her about the recent man and the whole spark/flame/fire thing going on.
"That's good!" she cheered. "You deserve a good guy who is good to you."
"Yeah but it's also making me a little crazy. Things are going so well that it's like it's too good to be true and then I work myself up and get really guarded and weird."
She gave me a sideways look and shook her head. "That makes no sense."
We crossed the street and she added, "Well, actually I guess it does. It's just your baggage."
"I don't want baggage!" I yelled a little too loudly.
"Too bad, because as of now you're her." she said and gestured towards a homeless woman sunning herself on a bench. Black plastic bags were stacked in the shopping cart beside the bench.
She was right.
I never wanted to be the girl who let the past get in the way of the present, who let it sabotage her future.
And yet, here I was, a baggage lady.
Baggage: Something you use to carry things from one place to another. Generally you pack things in it and take it on trips.
Relationship Baggage: Bad habits or unsolicited negative feelings packed away from previous relationships and taken on into a new relationship.
My last relationship had ended somewhat abruptly and seemingly without reason.
It didn't make any sense. Things had been going so well.
He was the one initiating our exclusitivity.
He was the one who wanted to meet my family.
And then he broke up with me.
Disappointed and confused, I took my heart off my sleeve and packed it away for a long time.
Apparently I had also packed away some lingering unresolved issues because the next time I unpacked my heart an awful lot of wariness came out.
"I know, I know," I admitted to Sylvia as we brushed past a group of overly-excited Asian tourists. "I hate it! I hate feeling like I'm just waiting for something to go wrong. It's like the more you care about someone the more you have to loose and the more awful you know it would be."We stopped and leaned over the cliff and faced the ocean and the sun setting over it.
She gave me a sympathetic look and pushed the hair out of her face. I thought she might have some piece of enlightening advice to give, or words of encouragement.
"Sucks, dude." she says.
We sip our coffees, both the bitter and the sweet warming us.
It's sad when you wait for good things to fall apart because they usually do.
It's sad when you realize that you inadvertently sabotage your relationship because at least then you have control over something that in this day and age seems ever-impending.
The more relationships we have been in, the more likelihood of baggage there is.
Whether it's trust issues because you were cheated on or a fear of opening up to someone because when you have in the past
it has seemingly scared people off---most of us have some sort of baggage we carry from one relationship to the next.
I share these sentiments with my friend Charles, who gives me a pittying "Tisk" over watermelon martinis at The Abbey the next night.
"Honey, do you know the reason airlines only allow 2 items of baggage per passenger?" he asks.
I gaze upwardly, lips slightly parted over my glass in thought.
He touches my arm. "Don't think so hard, your blond is showing!" he says and then cackles. "The reason airlines only allow 2 items of baggage per passenger is because if everyone brought all of their baggage on board, the plane would end up in a nose dive!"
I think about what he just said. Exasperated, he pats my head, "It means you're only allowed a little baggage in a relationship, so choose your issues wisely!"
I must still look a little confused, because he the pat turns into a good old fashioned shaking "Hel-lo! Turb-u-lence!"
What Charles and all his snarkiness was getting at was that while some baggage may be inevitable, but you don't have to let it allow you to sabotage your happiness.
You don't have to allow previous bad experiences to screw over your good ones.
The next time you get ready to carry-on your baggage, think again and check-it.
Start with a blank slate.
If you don't, you'll only end up hurting yourself and others.
Pack it up and back it up.
Good things are good things-take them as they come for face value.
Some one who you can have good conversations with and who makes you want to rip off their clothes when they walk into the room?
It's the kind of spark that turns into a flame and then that flame turns into a full blown fire.
It burns bright and lights you up from the inside.
It's the kind of connection that makes you glow.
It's also the kind of connection that apparently has the ability to make me feel guarded and vulnerable for no apparent reason.
I had a conversation with Sylvia about this.
It was Saturday afternoon and we were walking past the third street promenade towards Pacific. It was close to sunset and a crisp and sunny 70 degrees, but because we live in LA we were freezing and warming our hands with hot cups of Starbucks.
I had just confided to her about the recent man and the whole spark/flame/fire thing going on.
"That's good!" she cheered. "You deserve a good guy who is good to you."
"Yeah but it's also making me a little crazy. Things are going so well that it's like it's too good to be true and then I work myself up and get really guarded and weird."
She gave me a sideways look and shook her head. "That makes no sense."
We crossed the street and she added, "Well, actually I guess it does. It's just your baggage."
"I don't want baggage!" I yelled a little too loudly.
"Too bad, because as of now you're her." she said and gestured towards a homeless woman sunning herself on a bench. Black plastic bags were stacked in the shopping cart beside the bench.
She was right.
I never wanted to be the girl who let the past get in the way of the present, who let it sabotage her future.
And yet, here I was, a baggage lady.
Baggage: Something you use to carry things from one place to another. Generally you pack things in it and take it on trips.
Relationship Baggage: Bad habits or unsolicited negative feelings packed away from previous relationships and taken on into a new relationship.
My last relationship had ended somewhat abruptly and seemingly without reason.
It didn't make any sense. Things had been going so well.
He was the one initiating our exclusitivity.
He was the one who wanted to meet my family.
And then he broke up with me.
Disappointed and confused, I took my heart off my sleeve and packed it away for a long time.
Apparently I had also packed away some lingering unresolved issues because the next time I unpacked my heart an awful lot of wariness came out.
"I know, I know," I admitted to Sylvia as we brushed past a group of overly-excited Asian tourists. "I hate it! I hate feeling like I'm just waiting for something to go wrong. It's like the more you care about someone the more you have to loose and the more awful you know it would be."We stopped and leaned over the cliff and faced the ocean and the sun setting over it.
She gave me a sympathetic look and pushed the hair out of her face. I thought she might have some piece of enlightening advice to give, or words of encouragement.
"Sucks, dude." she says.
We sip our coffees, both the bitter and the sweet warming us.
It's sad when you wait for good things to fall apart because they usually do.
It's sad when you realize that you inadvertently sabotage your relationship because at least then you have control over something that in this day and age seems ever-impending.
The more relationships we have been in, the more likelihood of baggage there is.
Whether it's trust issues because you were cheated on or a fear of opening up to someone because when you have in the past
it has seemingly scared people off---most of us have some sort of baggage we carry from one relationship to the next.
I share these sentiments with my friend Charles, who gives me a pittying "Tisk" over watermelon martinis at The Abbey the next night.
"Honey, do you know the reason airlines only allow 2 items of baggage per passenger?" he asks.
I gaze upwardly, lips slightly parted over my glass in thought.
He touches my arm. "Don't think so hard, your blond is showing!" he says and then cackles. "The reason airlines only allow 2 items of baggage per passenger is because if everyone brought all of their baggage on board, the plane would end up in a nose dive!"
I think about what he just said. Exasperated, he pats my head, "It means you're only allowed a little baggage in a relationship, so choose your issues wisely!"
I must still look a little confused, because he the pat turns into a good old fashioned shaking "Hel-lo! Turb-u-lence!"
What Charles and all his snarkiness was getting at was that while some baggage may be inevitable, but you don't have to let it allow you to sabotage your happiness.
You don't have to allow previous bad experiences to screw over your good ones.
The next time you get ready to carry-on your baggage, think again and check-it.
Start with a blank slate.
If you don't, you'll only end up hurting yourself and others.
Pack it up and back it up.
Good things are good things-take them as they come for face value.
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