The Modernist

Hi All,

Mr 2k17 aka ‘The Modernist’ illustrated ALL that is wrong with online dating. I feel like we already know he isn’t going to be the one for me. Anyway, the story of Mr 2k17.

Once upon a time, your MDP, believed wholeheartedly in the act of chivalry and decency, until she met 2k17. Standing a little over 5ft 8 (on a good day), with a chipped tooth and weird khaki trainers (they looked like they were covered in moss, I couldn’t stop looking at them!!) was Mr 2k17.  Your MDP met said potential suitor on Tinder. They had agreed to meet in Notting Hill at 6.30pm on a Monday evening (what the feck was I thinking?!!?). Your  MDP and 2k17 had exchanged a variety of messages that day, confirming they were still meeting later that evening. So when 6.30pm came and went, and then 6.40pm and 6.45pm rolled around, on a bitter winters evening, your MDP nearly left the scene of the crime (with the benefit of hindsight, I should have left there and then). But being a trooper I gave him another 5 minutes. He arrived at 6.50pm (20 mins late). Already on the back foot, and clearly having fibbed about his height (6ft my arse!!!) we strolled down Portobello. We arrived at a bar which he had frequented lots of times before. In fact I knew everything aside from his shoe size by the time we had walked the short distance from the tube to the venue (HE DID NOT STOP TALKING!!!!!).

Can you tell I am not an overly tolerant MDP on a Monday evening?

Anyway, we made it to the bar (thank god!). He proceeded to order a cocktail and set up a tab- what a great idea! We drank 4 deliciously sweet and moreish cocktails each (heavy weight for a Monday!). He gabbled away and I interjected occasionally, he even showed me photos of his family. This is a lesson ladies; do not overshare on a first date! I had seen photos of his parents, siblings and all their children and as he prattled off their names, I looked at him, and I mean really looked at him. WHAT THE FECK WAS I DOING?

He wasn’t my type at all. In that moment as he looked at the photos and I sat their examining him, I realised my approach to dating seriously had to change if I was to meet my own true love. We finished the drinks and he ordered the bill before scurrying off to the loo. Upon his return, I took out my purse (I am willing to go halves on all dates). He did not offer his wallet, when questioned, he had left it at home! So I paid £67 for the privilege of his exhaustive company. He was also very very drunk!

Another key thing to take away from this is to listen to your date.

He has since messaged me twice, and I haven’t even replied. I did send him my account details…. to no avail! I am all about being equal as it is 2017 but this 2k17 was FAR too modern for my liking.

On ya bike buddy !

Your MDP x


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